My grandmother Joyce died a month ago. In fact, I don't even know what date it was - sometime in August. So much has happened since. It's been so busy - my mothe-in-law, Annie was here at the time from Austria, which was a great help, as she looked after Elka quite a lot. Then there was preparing for the funeral, which was epic. I painted Joyce's coffin, at Joycey's request. I chose a botanical theme, selecting flowers from her garden or flowers she loved as images. I included a section of a Judith Wright poem, appropriately titled "In the Garden". (Joyce went to NEGS with Judith in the 30s.)
And I designed the funeral service booklet, which took some time. Everyone else was busy with organisational things too.
Since, we have decided to buy Joycey's house from cousin Yuri. This place is the only place my cousins, brothers and I have childhood memories. Built in 1987, we have been coming here ever since to visit Joyce. So everyone was rapt when we made the announcement. It makes so much sense to us, sentimentally, but financially as well.
We have put our house on the market in Lismore, and moved in to Joycey's house. And it is still very much Joyce's house. Some of our furniture, our touch, our boxes etc. But people drop in as they would have dropped in on Joyce. And Kymba's hair is still in the carpet. And Joyce's voice can be heard as I open every kitchen cupboard, or bathroom drawer - "Don't throw that out!" or "Have the fresh one - open the new packet!". I hear her everywhere.
When she died, I was so sad. She was a force to contend with, and one that is very missable. But in the busy weeks that followed her death, it's felt weird that I haven't missed her more. Am I heartless? Am I too busy to be sentimental?
I was relieved today to feel a twang of grief again, as I walked through Alstonville Plaza. This is after all Joyce's territory, and we have always associated everything about Alstonville and particularly this house with Joyce. So I am sure these whiffs of sadness will follow me as I move through my daily life. I hope so, anyway.
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